FolderWatch 2009: Day 2

Ok folks, it's day 2 and we've collected 49 additional folders (that I know of). This is pretty spectacular, but I know we can pick up the pace! I am going to keep the individual standings a secret since everyone is gunning for the #1 Folder Friend spot, but I will tell you that it's a tight race.

Here is some other helpful folder info. The Office Max at 6301 W. Broad Street has gone rogue and seems the most willing to bend policy. They actually let one Folder Fiend buy 25 folders at once! It was a Folder Miracle! Granted, she had to buy them in individual transactions of 6, but it was actually the cashier's idea that she do this. This is also the place that Lauren and I went to twice in one day with only a couple hours between visits. If you're looking to win this contest, you might want to consider stopping by.

To wrap it up, we're at 135 folders (triple digits!) and almost halfway to 300. Everyone is awesome and I am planning the Folder Friend Fiesta to celebrate our victory! Ole!

Will you do me a favor?

Do you live near Office Max? Do you want to help a friend in need? Pleeeease?

Office Max has their 2 pocket folders (I like the ones without fasteners in the middle) on sale for 1 cent each (maybe that link works?). One cent! It doesn't get any cheaper than that! There's not even tax! 6 folders = 6 cents! It's an AMAZING MATHEMATICAL CALCULATION, I know! It just so happens that I need 300-400 of these folders in order to stay alive. Ok, not to stay alive, but to be a successful school counselor. The catch is (ok there are a few catches): 1. I don't live in Richmond anymore and there are no Office Max stores in Charlottesville 2. Office Max will only let you buy six folders at a time 3. You probably have something better to do with your life than buy folders for a stranger on the internet. Hum. What I do know that is helpful is that the folders are on sale all week, you can buy six folders every day and, if you are sneaky enough, you can most likely go to the same store twice a day (that's what Lauren and I did, it worked). Also, people with teacher ID can buy 12 folders, but that is still not 400 which means that that's not enough.

So, I've enlisted Richmonders I know (all 6 of them) to go buy/hoard folders for me. I currently have 86 folders. That means I need 214 if I'm aiming low and 314 if I am achieving my lifelong goal. I'll be in Richmond on August 14/15 to collect the folders and hand out the BIGGEST PRIZE IN THE HISTORY OF PRIZES to whoever has purchased the most folders.* I am also offering lifelong friendship and unending gratefulness. Oh, and we can meet. It will probably go something like this:
Me: "Hi, I'm Sarah, you bought me folders, I LOVE YOU."
You: "Please stop hugging me. You're just as not cool in real life as you are on the internet."
Me: "Want to go to Panera? Please? Friend?"
End Scene

So, do you have any thoughts? Do you have any compassion for a blogger in neeeeeed?

*Um, I'm lying. The prize will be lame, but meaningful.

You Knew This Was Going to Happen...

So, I'm just going to say it: I got a job!
I am also going to say this: It's about fucking time!

I had two interviews last week with two different school systems and lo and behold, I got offered both jobs. I'm going to go ahead and rank Wednesday, June 24, 2009 as my personal favorite day so far this year.

The first job was for a part time position at an elementary school right in Charlottesville and the second was for a full time position at an elementary school about 45 minutes away from where we'll be living. I ended up accepting the job 45 minutes away for a lot of different reasons, none of which include the long ass drive (which could be worse, I know) and all of which include that it just felt right (does that sound too lame and counselor-ish?). It was like choosing to go to an all girls college again when going to an all girls school is the last thing you thought you'd ever want to do. When there's only one factor making it not perfect, you do it anyway and it turns out to be the right choice. That's my advice to you--do it anyway. Ha! Look at me giving advice when for the last six months I've been all woe and strife and what do I dooooo with my life????

The school is smallish and as with most elementary schools, I'll be the only school counselor. (Side note: holy moly, I'm actually a school counselor!). I don't have to do anything with testing and I don't have to be in charge of the child study team. This might not make sense but just trust me, these things make a HUGE difference in the quality of school counseling jobs. The principal actually said that she wants my number one priority to be "helping the kids." Basically she said that and then I died because yes, we are speaking the same language, this is what I am all about. I want to Help The Children, we are the world, etc. (Side note: Michael Jackson, OMG).

Needless to say, I'm over the moon about this and, as I expected, it's putting a lot of the other shitty things I've been worrying about into perspective. No, it's not all rainbows and unicorns now and believe me, you will think I am crazy when I fill you in on our upcoming living situation, but it's forward progress. I'll admit it: I even feel a little bit happy. But just a little bit. So thank you, Internets. Thank you for thinking supportive thoughts, sending kind emails, leaving wonderful comments, for being positive when I was not, and mostly for letting me be angry and depressed about things. Now let's all go have a drink to celebrate!

But first, I'd like to address someone out there who I know is googling "I am a jobless loser" just like I was four days ago. Friend, I know It Sucks. No, no, it More Than Sucks. I'm not going to say that it'll work out, you'll end up happier than ever, everything happens for a reason, be optimistic, because I know you know all of that and I know that it doesn't help because it is anything but Fine right now. Instead I'm going to say hell yes, this is bullshit and you have worked too hard for too long to be in this situation and I hate everything and everyone too. So don't SMILE, go drink a huge glass of wine and buy yourself something off the internet because even if you are unemployed, you are still a human being and you have needs.

Knockout

I know it's barely the end of June but I'm going to go ahead and call it. 2009 is the worst year ever. I hate it. It's miserable. I have never had a year this bad in my entire life. Really. I mean, I was honestly thinking to myself that it couldn't be that bad, and that there had to be other things that have been this horrible before, but I came up with nothing that even closely compared. Out of my 27 years on this earth, not a single year compares to the suck of this one.

I haven't really felt like blogging (but thanks for the nice emails from some of you wondering if I'm okay). I wish I was the kind of person that could sit down and blog about everything that is going on and write out my feelings and feel better, but even thinking about writing everything out in black and white when it comes to this year just makes me want to crawl into a hole and stay there. Plus at this point, things have gone so terribly off course that I don't even know where to start.

The quick and dirty list of everything in my life that has gone wrong/sucks in 2009 is:

• lost my job (ok, that was the end of 2008, but it started the whole ball rolling)
• unemployment
• substitute teaching from hell
• continued unemployment
• a terrible 2 month interim position that made we want to die every.single.day.
• back to unemployment
• ongoing friend drama
• marriage drama
• mother in law (a dull roar of suck all.the.time.)
• losing my sense of identity (how dramatic, I KNOW)
• feeling responsible for the husband having to give up his dream
• oh, we're moving back to Charlottesville
• oh, I'm going to be unemployed in Charlottesville too!
• active rejection from potential employers
• feeling like a LOSER

So that pretty much sums it up. I could write long posts about each of these things but by then my level of depression would be so extreme that you'd have to stage an intervention and send the authorities. Good thing you have this completely accurate drawing of where I live.

Now for the feeeeeelings section (I think I just threw up a little in my mouth). The biggest problem with 2009 is that it is making me hate myself. I feel like the most worthless waste of space there is. I haven't had a real job in six months and that's long enough to make me start to question decisions I've made in my life for the last eight years. A lot of days I feel like I've gone off track, that I'm not where I am supposed to be. A lot of days I don't know who I am. In college I studied sociology and symbols and how we attach meaning to things/rituals/people/places and by doing so we not only give them significance, but we also define ourselves. I feel like I have nothing that defines me. I also feel like I am not actively contributing to socieity which in turn makes me feel badly about complaining. And then I feel badly about complaining because I have been doing this for six months. Even I want to tell myself to go ahead and shut up already. Nobody wants to hear about my woes for this long. They want me to be happy and smiley and 'hanging in there' when the truth is, I'm not.

One of my favorite things to do is google exceptionally overdramatic phrases like "I hate my pathetic life" and "I don't know who I am anymore." I get some pretty awesome hits. There are self-help options which are fine, but mostly I like to read the blogs that come up because Hello, friend, I am your people, we are one. The best phrase I've googled though is, "I am a jobless loser" because it led me to this gem: "You can be whatever you want to be because you are nothing." Honestly, I've pondered this sentence for a long time (I even have it written on a post-it by my desk) trying to decide if it should make me want to die or if it should inspire me. I mean, it's liberating to think that you can be whatever you want to be, right? But it is CRAP to feel like you are nothing. So here I am, feeling like a huge piece of nothing, trying to decide what I want to be.

Wordle

Apparently I "talk" like a 13 year old girl in my blog.
Like Seriously?

Two Things

Thing One: Penny Pincher
Michael and I have been on a spending freeze since January 3rd. It started as a way to detox from the holiday spending extravaganza, but was also necessary due to the fact one income is a lot less than two and we had much less money. Thankfully, we are thisclose to being able to live on Michael's salary and had an "emergency fund" in savings, but it did take some major cutbacks.

For us, a spending freeze meant no extra spending on miscellaneous items (clothes, electronics, gadgets, etc.), no eating out, and trying to reduce our monthly bills. The freeze was made easier by the fact that we both had a lot of gift cards from Christmas which were fair game to be spent however, but also made harder than the fact that we had become accustomed to eating out a lot and buying what we wanted when we wanted.

I have to say that just over two months later, I am really really proud of us. We have kicked ass at the spending freeze and have even been able to be more flexible with it now that I am subbing fairly regularly and we know what we can and can't afford. More than anything, the freeze has helped us place more value on our money and realize that the fact that we work very hard for it means that we should be more thoughtful when spending it. It's cheesy, but the freeze has also afforded Michael and I the opportunity to spend more time together and be more creative about what we do with our time. I've learned about free street festivals and museums, geocaching, public libraries, when grocery stores put certain items on sale and, most importantly, that Kroger Zips are only $1.79 a box and are just as good as real Ritz (in fact, they taste even better because they are CHEAP). I only wish we had put ourselves on a freeze years ago.


Thing Two: Human Nature
Alternate Title: The Internet is Awesome
As I've mentioned before (seriously, I am not even going to link to all of the Debbie Downer that has been going on around here), the end of 2008 and 2009 thus far have been one big ball of Suck. What with the losing of my job, the impact of the economy on everything, and the cutbacks in education to name a few, it hasn't been rainbows and unicorns over in my neck of the woods. It sounds trite, but I have found that when I am feeling like this, the smallest gestures really start to mean the most. I am talking about the guy that lets me go in front of him at the grocery checkout or friends that are fine sitting at home hanging out because they know you're not spending money. It's my parents sending us gift cards and my internship supervisor writing me "you can do it, I believe in you!" emails.

The internets have done their part with the random acts of kindness also. First, I got a funny, sweet, totally just what I needed, email from Chelsea out of the blue. Then -R-, of And You Know What Else, who has recently had one of the most adorable babies ever to hit the internet/planet, sent me the sweetest gift and note just because she saw it and thought of me. That's right just because. Just because she is awesome and sweet and thoughtful and listened to all my emails about our bathroom doors ages ago. Also, didn't she just have the baby? Shouldn't I be sending her something? While I strongly believe that human nature is inherently good, I am constantly pleasantly surprised at the kindness that comes from the internet.

100 Things About Me...

1. When there's a bandwagon, I jump on it. Hence--this list.
2. But I don't like trendy clothes.
3. Especially gaucho pants and ponchos. While the jury appears to still be out on gauchos, I think we should all say a little Thank you, Baby Jesus that ponchos seem to have made an exit. Don't thank me; you're only doing yourself a favor by not walking around dressed like Sacajawea. Also, I am not even going to bring up the skinny jean trend. You do not want to see a grown woman cry.
4. I will buy you the rest of your pants. And some sleeves to make that a shirt. Actually, I probably couldn't buy you anything since I am unemployed.
5. I was born on November 23, 1981.
6. I am young. For now. Still young, but also feeling oldish. Check back with me when I turn 30.
7. I have lived in Virginia my whole life.
8. I went to a small all girls college in Virginia.
9. Yes, it was really all girls. Why do people always ask that?
10. I loved it and have missed it everyday since graduation. I still miss it a lot, but not the same as I did. I miss the people and the carefreeness, but life has moved in better directions.
11. And no, not everyone at an all girls school is a lesbian. I'm assuming this is still true...
12. Only some of them are lesbians and the others think they are lesbians. We call them "LUGs"--Lesbians Until Graduation.
13. I am married to Michael.
14. On Sunday we will have been married for 1 year. In April, we will have been married for 4 years. Time? It flies.
15. I heart Michael.
16. I also say "i heart" a lot. Not so much anymore. I will say "HEART!" but mostly when I'm typing. As for things I say a lot, I've moved on to "LOVE IT" and "Holy Moly." Don't say holy moly out loud because once you start, you can't stop.
17. It is my thing and you will like it.
18. Because, holy moly, I LOVE IT! Heart You.
19. My favorite color is pink.
20. I own A LOT of pink clothes.
21. Thanks to Lauren, I organize my closet by the colors of the rainbow.
22. ROY G. BIV 4 Life! So life (see also: moving and having to share a closet with Michael) kind of got in the way of my ROY G. BIV love. Oh what a joy it was to have that much free time (and closet space) to spend on something that fulfilling. I long for the days...
23. I don't have a sister, but I have a brother.
24. His name is Andrew but we call him Andy.
25. I call him Andy Pandy, Sweet as Candy. I also call him Andy-lion like dandelion. Yeah, I guess you have to be there.
26. Everyone thinks he's hot. And he is.
27. But he's my BROTHER. gross.
28. I love my parents.
29. They are the best parents anyone could ever ask for. seriously. Ok, even more Seriously. I think that if I could go back in time and only tell young me one thing it would be to appreciate your parents more. I thought they were strict and clueless and it took me far too long to realize how much fun they are and how much I love spending time with them.
30. I live in Richmond, VA.
31. I like it because it has a lot of malls. Frankly, the novelty has worn off.
32. I work for a non-profit that owns retirement communities, but I don't so much like it. Well we all know how this one turned out. I can't say that I miss my job though. I miss the people, the routine of getting up, going to work, feeling like a part of society, and the paycheck. Otherwise, good riddance.
33. I want to be a high school guidance counselor. elementary school counselor. So did you know that saying "guidance counselor" is SO a thing of the past and SO not the right thing? We're "School Counselors." Get with the program, people. Also, did you know that I LOVE elementary aged kids? I didn't either until I got the chance to work with them. I can't wait to be a counselor at my very own school.
34. I would be will be so good at that job.
35. I give great advice and people like me. I am compassionate and sensitive. seriously. So, um, being a school counselor? not really about giving advice at all. But I will help you figure it out for yourself. My compassion and sensitivity however, will come in handy.
36. I HEART ME! What can I say? I still do!
37. Michael and I have a dog.
38. Her name is Sophie and she is a small black monster. (That is her official breed)
39. She is actually a black cocker spaniel who is afraid of people. I actually think Sophie is less afraid of people now than when I wrote this. Of course, I could just be thinking that because I don't want my dog to be neurotic, but I really think she is.
40. Do not pet her because she is afraid and will pee on my floor. She's also better about this too. Or maybe she's not better, but I'm better at making sure she's been out right before you come over.
41. I started this blog because I am NOT COOL. Alas, I remain NOT COOL. Thank goodness.
42. Then I forced everyone I know to read it. Isn't it funny that now I wish my blog was more anonymous? Note to self: If you tell everyone about your blog they will read it and then you can't say anything you really want to say. Imagine that!
43. When I say everyone, I mean 10 people.
44. When I say forced I mean sent out mass emails and threatened.
45. Sometimes I have anger issues.
46. But I don't want to talk about it. Apparently, I do!
47. I am shy.
48. Seriously.
49. Why doesn't anyone ever believe that? I think I am outgrowing my shyness? Maybe? I hope so. I don't think being shy is really an option for me anymore so I just built a bridge and got over it.
50. I am afraid of going to the dentist. Still true.
51. Seriously afraid. Still serious.
52. When I was a kid getting a filling I closed my mouth too much and closed down on the moving dentist drill.
53. Then the drill hit a non-numb tooth and exposed a nerve. Then I had to get a silver cap.
54. And the dentist squeezed my head and said, "You are being a very bad girl SARAH!"
55. And now I am afraid of the dentist, like wo.
56. And I should be rich because my parents should have sued the EVIL MAN.
57. They taught me to say things like "Evil Man" at my all girls college.
58. We are all man haters.
59. KIDDING.
60. I heart the Counting Crows.
61. And Cowboy Mouth. I still love Cowboy Mouth but I haven't listened to them in forever. Forever ever. I am more about the new NKOTB, The Wreckers and whatever is on the radio. My musical taste has always been questionable.
62. And Train. But only before they were famous because now they are lame.
63. I love romantic comedies. I've also learned that I love action movies. Who knew? Not scary ones, but suspenseful ones.
64. I love movies that make me cry.
65. In fact, I love to cry. I still love to cry but my crying habits have changed a bit. You can't break down crying, even if you want to, when a 5th grader tells you her whole class makes fun of her so you just learn to hold it in. And you hold it in some more. And some more. And eventually you're an unfeeling stone. Welcome to the real world.
66. IN FACT, I have even had people get mad at me because they said I cried too much.
67. These people are perfect examples of why you don't keep all of your high school friends your entire life.
68. Because they are CRAZY. And mean. And hurt your feelings for the rest of your life. I really wish I could strike through this bullet but holy moly, I am not there yet. The whole counseling program has made me entirely too self reflective. I am still working through this. You know, 10 years later.
69. Again with the anger issues, I know.
70. Now I have nice, new Richmond friends.
71. Actually only 1 New Richmond friend because the other moved away. Alert the media, I have more than 1 Richmond friend. That's right, I have 2. Par-tee!
72. I need to make some friends.
73. Do you live in Richmond?
74. I am funny!
75. Will laugh at myself!
76. And at you!
77. The #1 thing I look for in a person is a self-deprecating sense of humor. And let's go with an appreciation of sarcasm with a side of wit.
78. Now this is sounding like a dating website.
79. Which I have actually never tired.
80. Michael is only the second person I've ever dated.
81. And now we're married so dating is kind of a no-no.
82. I had peonies at our wedding.
83. I love peonies. They smell like happiness.
84. And I love the movie You've Got Mail because HOW CAN YOU NOT???!?!
85. And I love the move Ladder 49 because OH MY GOD, can you get anymore sad? You know, I must have just watched Ladder 49 when I wrote this because I cannot think of why I would feel the need to reference this movie. I mean, it's sad, but it's Ladder 49--what the hell?
86. Oh, I just thought that I should probably talk about my obsession with celebrities.
87. Because there is a big one. HUGE.
88. I heart Julia Roberts. And Courtney Cox. And Jennifer Aniston. And 1,000,000 others but hello, there are only 12 more spots on this list. Still love celebrities. A little less with the Julia Roberts and a little more with the Jennifer Garner.
89. And you should know that I heart gross food.
90. This includes, but is not limited to, beef jerky, taco bell and pretty much anything from one of those touch screen menus at gas stations. Oh, and that Tostitos Salsa con Queso. Holy Moly, that stuff is good.
91. yum.
92. One day I am going to have a baby. One day. Hopefully sooner than later at this point because (see #6) I am not getting any younger.
93. With Michael, don't worry.
94. And I am going to be a good mother.
95. And I will guideschool (?) and counsel that child...because by then I will be a Guidance School Counselor and that is what I do. Ok, really, let's hope that one day I will get a job in my field so this can be true. If I am unemployed forever, I will die. D-I-E, DIE.
96. This is the end of the list.
97. So I'm trying to wrap it up.
98. I wonder if you made it this far? Holy moly, I hope so.
99. If I missed anything, just ask and I will answer.
100. Because I LOVE IT! HEART YOU!

So, if I was doing this now I'd need to add:
101. Twilight. Twilight. Oh, and Twilight.
102. Edward.

Other than that, nothing has changed.

Lots of Little Things

I keep thinking of random things I want to blog about, but none of them seem worthy of their own entry and when you factor in the fact that unemployment has made me apathetic...well...here we are, almost a month since I last posted.

So yeah, I am still unemployed. I am working, but I don't have a job. In fact, I am working at two different things but again, neither one is a job. I am substitute teaching and chaperoning. (chaperoning? is that a job? I don't know how else to describe it.) See, these are not real jobs. Substitute teaching deserves it's own entry, but for now I will just say that my whole subbing philosophy is I can do anything for one day. Of course, after that day is over I may be saying I am never doing that again, but at least I made it through the day. Also, subbing is never boring. Whether it's a puking child, a student asking me if I call my husband "daddy," or a girl standing up and announcing to the class that I better let her use the bathroom because she is on her cycle, it is never ever boring. Sometimes it makes me want to die, but I will not die bored.

The chaperoning work is gravy. For $25.00 an hour I drive to a high school, meet up with five 11th graders, make sure we all get on a school bus, ride on the bus to VCU, sit through an hour science lecture, make sure the five 11th graders get back on the bus, and ride back to the school. It's 2 days a week for 3 hours at a time. I was born to do this job.

This brings me to my next little thing: school buses. Up until the first day I got on the bus, I probably hadn't been on a school bus in 10 years. Let me just tell you that nothing has changed. The floors are the same, the seats are still made out of that thick rubbery material, the windows open the same way, kids still head straight to the seats in the back, the fan is still mounted up front and is still pointed at the driver, the long mirror is still there, and the bus driver still sees you picking on that kid and calling him a loser. Most of all, there are still no seat belts. The no seat belts thing is pretty mind boggling to me seeing as every time we made even the slightest turn I had to hold myself from sliding out of the seat and I am not light as a feather, friends. The only major changes were the tinted windows and the radio. Our bus driver likes gospel music. I like him.

Without any segue, my most exciting little thing to tell you is that I found a secret someone left in a PostSecret book. I have been a fan of PostSecret forever, often making sure to check the website Saturday night before I go to sleep to see if the new secrets are up yet. There is something about this entire process that keeps me captivated. Strangers sending their secrets to one man. This one man having to carry the burden of everyone's secret. The thought of what it's like to see your secret on the website. I think it's an amazing process. I have always heard that people often leave their own secrets in the PostSecret books in bookstores, but up until last month, I have never found one despite my perpetual checking. The secret I found was written on an old, never redeemed, Richmond Braves ticket. I still remember what it said, but I don't feel like it's mine to share. In a year that has been not the best so far, I am counting this as one of the highlights.